Welcome to Frum Girl Gone South

"The only sovereign you can allow to rule you is reason." -Terry Goodkind

The End

Posted By on December 10, 2011 in My Story | 0 comments

I wanted to thank those of you who have been quite supportive.

My entire reason for writing my story was to impart hope to those who feel it is just not possible to ‘get out’.

I may not have succeeded in doing everything I wanted to do the way I wanted to do it due to circumstances out of my control.  I may not have succeeded in leaving home as a ‘normal’ individual would under ‘normal’ conditions.  I may not have had  my dream wedding with my family all attending and celebrating our union.  But what I did succeed in doing is being true to myself and choosing to make a stand to live my life the way I felt was right for me.

You cannot change peoples minds.  You cannot stand there and argue with individuals who are close-minded and unable to perceive anything beyond their closed-box.  You cannot expect to alter someones point of view or belief.  And it is not something I even wish to do.  I simply believe what I believe.

There are two sides to every coin and two (or more) stories to every event in ones life.  This was my side.  This was my way to express my thoughts, my feelings and my beliefs.  It was not done to bash, hurt, or disregard others involved.  It was simply my side of the coin.

My ever-changing beliefs stem from my understanding that life is a journey and as I evolve and learn more and understand more, I am apt to change my beliefs.  It is ever-flowing and ever-changing -as I believe it should be.  Where once I believed in an imaginary man who called himself a god, I now choose to believe that it is I who is in control of my life and I cannot change those around me who believe otherwise.  I choose to live my life following my own moral-compass and not of any organized religion or label.

My story obviously doesn’t end here, but I will try to wrap it up below just a little bit for closure.  Please remember that the purpose of telling my story was simply to encourage those who wish to pursue a life of their own choosing no matter how difficult it may seem to do so.  Remember, it is possible if you want it bad enough.  Anything is possible if you really and truly want it.  Don’t sit there and whine and complain about your situation.  Actually do something about it.  You have it in you to make the change you so desire.

I thank you for your time and I thank those who took the time to comment or even email me.

Like I stated in the  very beginning.  This is my story, my thoughts, my feelings.  This was my place to finally express what I had gone through.  Thank you for taking the time to read.  I may occasionally publish a post but for now my story is done.

Here is the conclusion to my story:

A little over thirteen years have gone by since the day I left on that bus out of the city I was born and raised in.  The last eight years have been in fairly good communication with my family.

I would have to say that having kids did indeed help reconnect us.  A form of respect was gained through all those years of bickering with them.  Standing for what I believe in and not wavering has also earned me respect from them.  It was a difficult journey, but one well worth taking.

I have learned a lot about myself through this whole ordeal.  Yes, I was a selfish and naive girl.  But sometimes one must be selfish for self-preservation.  And with experience, over time, one can slowly learn the things one must know to not be so foolish and naive.

I honestly don’t believe things will ever be ‘normal’ with my family.  In the sense that I know that I can never cook or bake for my family and so they can’t ever visit me for long periods of time due to this.  I realize that what we do have, I am indeed grateful for.  They have come a long way in accepting who I am.  And I would even hazard to say that they do like the man I married.  They realize he is a good and kind man and loves his wife and children.  They realize I have done well for myself and have indeed come a long way.  They call me with questions about worldly things they don’t comprehend.  There is mutual respect and understanding.

We don’t talk about the past, though.  We don’t discuss what happened during those times.  Like it’s taboo.  And that’s ok.  I realize it was a very difficult time for them, as well.  I wasn’t the only one who went through a lot.  But the fact that they were finally able to put it behind them enough to accept me and my children means the world to me.

We may butt heads from time to time.  My sister says things that drives me crazy!  And sometimes my mother comments about something that is going on in the community and I want to shake her and tell her how stupid so and so is.  But I don’t.  I keep quiet.  I nod, I listen, I accept that this is their way of life and not mine.  If they aren’t happy with it, they can choose to change it.  It is not my place to say anything.  And when they hear something on my end they (obviously) don’t agree with, they respect me enough to not push the subject with me.

We’ve disagreed, we’ve argued but we have not stopped talking ever since my oldest daughter was born.  And I intend to never stop communicating with them.  I realize that I can get angry at them, but it is in my hands whether I choose to keep the communication going or not and I choose to keep on going with how things are.  It is good.  Really and truly it is good.  Better than I had ever hoped it would be!  And I accept that it can’t ever truly be normal.  Then again, what is normal?

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